Starf*cker

Comment on the Photo Album, if you please

One thing lacking at Typepad is the ability to comment on photos in the photo album.  The photo album "Stars I've Spotted and Some Dish on the Side" is unquestionably the most popular part of this blog.  So why don't you tell me what you think.  Any reactions to any particular stories?

I'd love to hear it.

I'm retiring the blog soon, as you may have guessed, from the decreasing frequency of the posts.  But I'm still updating the photo album in real-time.  I saw Leslie Ann Warren tonight, for instance, at Genghis Cohen on Fairfax.

Google Maps Has Gone Big Brother On Us

Have you seen this?

Google (Star-Stalkings) Maps

Notice what is in the search request box?  NOT a location or address, per say, but a request for a listing of specific star-sightings.  That shit is crazy.  And brilliant.

And maybe a teensy bit disturbing...yes?

Here's One Way to Upset an Egomaniac

I don't think I saw Kiss or Gene Simmons on the fabulous, 3-D cover of Rolling Stone's 1000th issue.

I'll bet he's pissed.

Heheheheh.

*Edit*  But they WILL be on the cover of Women's Wear Daily...  WHAT is going on in the Universe?

Carnie Wilson is Addicted to Getting Fat

Carnie Wilson seems like such a train-wreck to me.  I remember meeting her back in the day--before she had gotten gastric-bypass surgery and was planning it all as her grand come-back.  She and her representatives were shopping the future story all over town, and they stopped by the talent agency I was working at.

My impression of her at the time was that she was unpleasant.  Did not meet anyone's eyes, looked a bit disdainful (of what, I don't know.)

Since then I've seen her in the D-List spotlight occasionally.  Almost always to discuss her weight, her surgeries, etc., and once again, this year she is on the May 8, 2006 cover of People magazine (ironically, the "100 Most Beautiful People" issue).  The caption reads, "Carnie Reveals Her Battles WIth Food & Alcohol".  Apparantly she gained 70 lbs with her pregnancy, and had to tell us all about it.

My take on the situation is this: ever since Wilson/Phillips went down the tubes (for you young uns--they were a girl group in the 80's that Carnie was a part of) she's been dying to find fame again.  No dummy--and as a former fat person--she is very aware of how obsessed our culture is with weight and appearance, so she decided to kill two birds with one stone, lose weight, and get media attention to re-launch her career. 

It worked for a while--she was on TV and in the press briefly--then faded to the background because the other things she had to offer just weren't that interesting.  So she started the cycle over again.  Got fat, got drunk, recovered--and started peddling that story like it was hot. 

She's addicted to the attention she gets for getting fat and getting fixed.  A dangerous cycle, I'd say, and getting less and less interesting.

The Notorious Bettie Page

I saw "The Notorious Bettie Page" on Monday night.  Gretchen Mol gave an excellent performance.  I was pleasantly surprised, given the actress had a lot to overcome after the (inadvertant) kiss-of-death Vanity Fair gave her by prematurely dubbing Mol "Hollywood's New IT Girl," years ago.

The thing that struck me about Bettie (as portrayed in the film), was her odd purity and clarity regarding what she was doing when posing for the racy pin-ups that made her famous.  She is portrayed as naive, yet in truth, she was much wiser about the whole process than anyone else involved.  She knew she was just posing for pictures, and, though she had moments of doubt about posing nude, she reasoned that Jesus made her, and that nothing Jesus made could be bad.

Mol perfectly conveys Page's incredulity and humor at what she considered the silly "costumes and props" used in the S&M photos she was perhaps best known for.  Bettie was not a "Bad Girl,"  she was just posing by the hour.  In fact, it was the audience who "enjoyed that kind of thing" that projected the "badness" and kink onto her image.  The people who sought out those photos were only validating and enforcing a concept they already had in their heads.

The goofy reality of the photo sessions (as experience by the posers and photographers) is apparent when viewed from behind the scenes, and especially enlightening when watching actual film footage of Bettie Page, mugging and hamming it up for the the camera.  Her awkward expressions and clownish, exaggerated "sexy" poses suddenly make sense.

It reminds me of Jessica Rabbit, from the "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" cartoons.  Her motto, "I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way." speaks volumes to the fact that our perception is our reality--and only true for us.  It seldom has anything to do with the person we are projecting it upon.

Easter Egg Hunts

(In honor of the holiday, I've decided to re-publish this post from June 2005)

When you live in Hollywood you see celebs everywhere you go.  It's only natural.  They live here, too.  Or visit for work.  I've lived in Los Angeles seven years, and have seen countless celebrities.  One of the first I met was George Michael.  He was adorable and I was a nervous wreck.  I've gotten much cooler since then--especially since I've worked in the industry--but I still get a little excited when I see stars.  My friends and I refer to star-spotting as "Easter Egg Hunting". 

Los Angeles is a huge city, and you are seldom alone, but at the same time, you rarely know the people you are surrounded by.  It can be very easy to just put on blinders and ignore the crowds, just so you can get your own shit done.  But every once-in-a-while a familiar facial contour pops into your line of vision, and you realize that you've just spotted Cameron Diaz, eating lunch at Baja Fresh with her parents, or Gene Simmons hiking Runyon Canyon.  It's not earth- shattering, it's just fun.  You get to compare what they look like in "Real Life" vs. on the big screen, all dolled up and in fabulous wardrobe.  Some of them (Cindy Crawford) are even more beautiful in person.  Some are reassuringly average--with bad skin, and questionable fashion sense--just like the rest of us.  Easter Egg Hunting is always good for conversation with the folks back home, too:  "Guess who I saw today!  John C. Reilly--with his baby in the park--and guess what, they have exactly the same hair!"

There are no "Real People" in Los Angeles

If you can't read the number on the flier, it's: 323-836-0300

Fliers like these are all over Los Angeles--and for newcomers, are part of the great illusion that fame is just around the corner.

Don't get me wrong, I got a lot of on-set experience as an extra in my time.  I just love the irony of the "Real People" stated so prominently in the text of the flier.  What exactly do they mean by that?  Are they implying that actors aren't real people?  (ARE they real people?)

Oh, and, by the way--there's a "One-Time Photo" fee to join the service--and they pay minimum wage.

The Jennifer Aniston Diet

(I have always loved this photo of Jennifer Aniston)

This post definitely falls under the heading of "ONLY IN LOS ANGELES."

So, I'm at my weekly Weight Watchers meeting (LA members have got to be the skinniest group of Weight Watchers in the country) and the meeting leader starts to speak.  For some reason she decides to tell us a story about a friend of hers who worked on "Friends" for years.  This friend was apparently preoccupied with what Jennifer Aniston ate all day to maintain her figure.  Here's what she reports:

Breakfast: 1/2 Bowl Shredded Wheat

Lunch: Chopped Salad with Pepper instead of Dressing

Snack:  Small Frozen Yogurt delivered to the set--JA would eat three spoonsfull, and leave the rest to melt

Dinner: Chicken or Fish with Veggies

Between snack and dinner time her trainer would arrive and they would go for a 40 minute run (this is in addition to her gym workout).

The class leader looked at us all after telling the story and said, "Is it really worth it?" 

Things are different in Hollywood.  I'm guessing quite a few women would answer, "Yes!"

Beer With Caffeine? Wheee! (It's about time.)

OK--this is a total departure for me, since I never talk about products, but some friends of mine just got back from St. Patrick's Day in Boston and met Rhonda Kallman. 

"Who is she?" you might ask.  According to INC. magazine, Kallman is one of the "25 Entrepreneurs We Love!" (April 04) and founder/CEO of New Century Brewing Co.  Her brewery experience resume' includes one of my personal favorites, Sam Adams.

She has recently created something I've wanted for a long time--Speedy Beer!  I'm one of those girls that gets totally anesthetized by alcohol, so going out on a bender with my friends is fun for about an hour--then I want to go home and sleep.  Since espresso is seldom offered at bars, and I don't like the taste of Red Bull, I'm usually stuck not drinking, or exploring other/more expensive/less legal options.

The beer that may change all that is called MoonShot (love the name) and is sold in a few bars on the East Coast.  I have yet to see it in LA, but am definitely looking forward to it.

My friend who tasted it says, "It is the Brut Champagne of the Beer World."  Thumbs up from him. 

Check out the website: http://www.moonshotbeer.com/

Natalie Portman on the Town: NYC Style

The ever charming and handsome David Rodolitz hosted Natalie Portman at two NYC hotspots Saturday evening...starting out at Uber-Club Aer, where the DJ's are divine, then moving on to the oh-so-sexy Soho:323.

Natalie was getting her dance on all night long, wearing a white tank top, white flowing peasant skirt, cropped hair--cute and growing out--with a little head band keeping it out of her face (the better to dance with, my dear).  She is sooooo petite--and absolutely gorgeous.  She really looks like a 14-year-old girl.  It always shocks me when I see actresses her age in person, and realize how YOUNG they really are under all that make-up, and how much crazy, relentless pressure the press--and their jobs--put on them.

The Scene (from Citysearch dot com)
Struggle past three hulking bouncers, press through a throng of international jetsetters sheathed in the latest Versace and enter an unexpectedly laid-back lounge where anything goes. The whitewashed brick front room plays host to the bar, a long slab of gray stone. The lofty space upstairs is typically reserved for private parties (often hosted by the nearby modeling agency).

*****************

Pretty much accurate, I'd say.  Very friendly, fun crowd.  Cozy atmosphere.

Hosts Bobby, Adam, and Josh also made sure everybody was comfortable at both locales...

Love the New York club scene--with guys like these in the game, you're bound to have fun.

George Clooney is Kind Of Asexual

I know I'm gonna catch shit for this one.

A girlfriend and I were discussing this over margaritas last night:

The "Sexiest Man Alive", who women seem to universally swoon over (you watched the 78th Annual Academy Awards, didn't you?  You saw and heard how all the women who talked about him and interviewed him acted, right?) George Clooney is, somehow, a-sexual.  Really.  As adorable as he is in person and on screen, a pinnacle of smarts, fun and good deeds, he just ain't a sexual being.  Not like Colin Farrell is.  Not like James Dean was.  Not even like slightly-femme Johnny Depp is.  And he's certainly no Angelina Jolie.

When I try to imagine George Clooney gettin' busy, or even try to picture him naked, this is what I get:

...as my (maybe slightly tipsy), margarita companion so eloquently put it, "No dinkus!"  She then added, "Maybe it would help if he would do an ass-shot occasionally, in some movie."

Hmmmmmmm.  Perhaps this asexuality is the secret to his long-standing bachelor-hood.

Please people--don't get me wrong--I number among the millions of women who adore him.  If I got a marriage proposal from him today, I would accept (dinkus or no dinkus)no questions asked.

Charisma--he's got it.  Charm--off the charts.  Physical beauty--you bet.  Raw, steamy, rip your clothes off animal magnetism...? 

Not so much.

The Academy Awards: Like Christmas, but Better!

I love Oscars weekend in Hollywood.  It is one of the few weekends where I (no longer a full-time participant in the Entertainment Industry) get full, peaceful access to 99.99999999% of the best parts of the city I love.  Why?  Because everybody is working!!!!!

Sunday--a beautiful, sun dappled morning.  Got up late, hiked Runyon with friends, then went to Versailles on Melrose for brunch.  Our table for five was seated within 5 minutes (unheard of on a weekend) and our food order came out just right, and fast.  After brunch, we strolled and shopped the boutiques all along the street.  Normally, I can't deal with Melrose on a weekend--too crowded, too many tourists, agressive sales-people, no fun.  Sunday was bliss.  I even bought a new t-shirt at Urban Outfitters.

Afterwards drove my friends home (no traffic), went and picked up some take-out, and went to the apartment to watch the red-carpet arrivals, and Jon Stewart's monologue.  After watching sexy George accept his award, we shut off the TV, hopped in the car and drove to Korea town (again, no traffic--it took us less than 15 minutes to get there from West Hollywood) to go to the Century Spa.

Got salt scrubbed, massaged, a facial and generally overhauled for several hours.  Drove home, just in time to see the post-Oscars commentary, and thus, the condensed version--knowing the highlights of the entire night will be rehashed all week.

It was pretty much a perfect day.

Art & Politics -- The Academy Award Goes To...

The divine Cintra Wilson had her annual say again at Salon.com, where she points out the "Castration" of the Oscar ceremony, as it relates to the Castration of Our Rights.

God, I'm glad somebody still has the energy to notice these things.

I'm glad I don't live in Cintra's angry brain, but I'm even happier that I get to visit every once and a while.

We Want Will! We Want Will!

According to The Hollywood Reporter:

" The CW network's untitled Aquaman project has netted a new leading man. In a major recasting, Justin Hartley has been tapped to play the title role in the drama pilot from Warner Bros. Television. Hartley replaces Will Toale, who originally was cast in the role when the pilot was ordered by WB Network. "

According to MY sources, "The new chief of command
fired Will. Said he was not buff enough or had enough
experience.

Will has been doing 5 weeks of training and scuba
training and acting classes.  Where he was at last
week...is awaiting the lawyers
to get him out of his contract and get paid. Poor
Will. Politics."

Will is cute and fresh.  This reporter, for one, was looking forward to seeing him in his super-hero tights.  Too bad... 

Gary Busey + Drugs + Blunt-Force Brain Trauma=Airport Adventures!

This just in:

"Gary Busey was arrested today at LAX (Los Angeles airport) for assaulting a female officer. He was either drunk or stoned and shoved her on the forehead causing her to fall backwards landing directly on her tailbone. She was injured and could not get up. The police came and arrested Gary. One officer drew a gun on Gary's attorney for trying to fetch a camera from a briefcase.

My friend was a TSA co-worker to the injured officer and was standing right next to her when it happened. He witnessed the whole thing. He expects to go to court to witness against Gary."

(Editor's Note: If the source of this story would like to be credited, let me know--otherwise you will remain anonymous.  Photo courtesy of www.hollywoodjesus.com)

Brrreeeport

Aw, what the heck.

(Got the idea from BWE)

And this is the guy who started it.

It's kind of like a chain-letter, but better.

Sarah Jessica Parker on Celebrity Culture

In the March edition of Glamour magazine, Sarah Jessica Parker speaks on the potentially mind-numbing effects of the new celebrity culture.

GLAMOUR:  Catherine Zeta-Jones told Glamour she feels tabloids have ruined the magic of movies.  Do you agree?

SJP: What bothers me more, actually, is the culture of celebrity.  I feel it has killed critical thinking in this country.  All we talk about now are "celebrities."  They call themselves actors, they get paid as actors and sometimes they're paid more than me.  But often these are people who have done absolutely nothing.  And I think this insatiable appetite for shallow tidbits of celebrity culture is just a distraction from getting involved politically and questioning our leaders.

Not a Bad Year to be Gay, Historically Speaking

From Encyclopedia Hanasiana:

Brilliant. And I do believe Philip Seymour Hoffman deserves to win--with or without the scientific "proof".

Follow the Money

These three things made headlines today:

Which headline do you care about most?  You'll probably want to answer Alito's confirmation, or the passing of Coretta Scott King.  Those, after all, are the socially responsible answers.  But let me ask you this way:  How much money did you spend on movies this year?  On gossip rags?  On cable TV?  How much time did you spend in movie theaters, or on your couch?  Now tell me, how much money did you donate to civil rights organizations?  The campaign fund of your favorite candidate?  How much time did you spend writing your senators and congressional representatives about the supreme court nominations?  Within these answers your true passions are revealed.

You Can't Please All of the People...

All of the time.  One of my favorite Hollyweird stories goes something like this:

Chicago actor Eddie Jemison has just made "Ocean's Eleven."  He's still in Chicago, and his agent calls him for a commercial audition, Eddie is a shoe-in for the part--the casting directors are asking for an "Eddie Jemison-type."  What could be better than the real thing?  So Eddie goes in for the audition.  After a bit of hemming and hawing on the part of the casting directors and producers, they pass.  Eddie just isn't right for the part.

Go figure.  Sometimes in Hollywood you aren't even good enough at being yourself.

Casting Director / Pimp

UNTITLED MICHAEL MADSEN PROJECT
Feature Film
SAG

Casting Director: Lynn Kruase
Producers: Bill Danziger, Michael Madsen
Director: John Lee Brougham
Writer: Michael Dillard, Antonia Watson
Interview Dates: 1/30/06
Shoot/Start Date: 2/2/06
Pay Rate: Negotiable up to $10,000.00 based on name status
Location: LAS VEGAS, NEVADA
Travel to Las Vegas and accommodations accorded with SAG

[GINGER ]
In this dark and dramatic comedy, we are looking for a one-scene cameo of a striking beauty, preferably a known actress, who can best pull-off GINGER, a high-dollar Vegas hooker who is called to a hotel suite, and once there she learns it’s not for sex but instead to listen to a man articulate his startling past and current dilemma. Any age; as mentioned, name-actress preferred but not mandatory.

Madsen plays a reformed gambler attempting to locate his long-lost young daughter. His travels bring him home to

Las Vegas

where he visits his brother's grave and later calls the hooker to the Palms where he in fact only wants to talk and in doing so reveals to the audience how he splintered his young family.

The roll requires a sultry entry into his suite, a quick negotiation, his informing her that there will be no sex, only talk. He then pours his heart out, telling the shocking story and ending in tears only to be interrupted by discovering her texting her cell phone, and paying him no attention.

It's Not Easy Being Green

A bunch of people I know are at Sundance right now and I'm jealous.

"Why?"  You might ask...supposing it is because of all the fab parties and celeb sightings that I'm missing...but NO.  I'm jealous 'cause those who are fortunate enought to be at the film festival (my facialist included) are scoring huge on SWAG!  Sundance SWAG!  You know, the free stuff / goodie bags / free-advertising-when-worn-by-celebs / loot given away at practically every schmooze-fest of the week.  Damn.

Why do rich people get so much free crap thrown at them?  I know, I know.  Advertising is expensive and one celeb photo in a gossip rag is worth millions in ad placements, but please, I'm a starving writer who would reallllly appreciate (free) cool new jeans / (free) ipod / (free) cell phone / (free) foot rub / (free) Uggs (this could go on and on). 

Just color me Green.

Sexual Deviants with a Sense of Entitlement Abound in Hollywood

When I first got to Hollywood I worked at a talent agency.  One of our clients was a performer who I recognized immediately as hailing from the mid-west, simply by his long permed hair, ultra-tight jeans, and cowboy boots.  He looked just like the boys I went to high-school with.  He always flirted with the assistants at the agency, and he booked a lot of work, and we kind of bonded over our shared mid-western past.  Or so I thought.  Turns out all he wanted to bond with was my coochie.

He invited me to a few parties and events, and was very friendly, but never made a pass or tried to kiss me.  Then one day I got an email from him with an attachment.  I opened it and discovered, to my horror, a photo of him f*cking some cute Brazilian looking girl, and several photos of just her--naked.  Along with it was an invitation to join him at some swingers events.  Ewwwwwww!  I never wanted to see this guys dick--ever!  Much less IN some random chick, IN my mail box!  But for some reason he felt it was entirely appropriate to send it to me.  And, apparently, was pretty confident that I would respond favorably.  Keep in mind that at the time he was living with his best friend's daughter (Yes, more than 20 years younger than him--barely legal, and one of the totally damaged dolly's that swarm to Hollywood every day with high hopes and low self-esteem) in some weird "I'm your sugar-daddy but not your boyfriend" situation.

I guess he thought he was living some form of the "Hollywood Actors High Life"--but he was mostly just gross and degenerate and trying his darndest to emulate the "Rock Star Lifestyle" in his own sad way.

The BEST Golden Globes / Red Carpet Fashion Run-Down EVER

Courtesy of the fabulous, and astute DIANE GORDON, who writes a newsletter about TV
called THE SURF REPORT.

She has been keeping a careful eye on Hollywood fashion over the years, and is considered a leading expert by those "In the Know"...Read on, and you'll see why.

"Let's get to the Fashion Rundown!

The women we'd look like if we could afford the stylist (and the trainer and the lipo):

Keira Knightley - so so so gorgeous in a white strapless Valentino gown and huge Cartier earrings, with a small white Tod's clutch.  The young and contemporary belle of this ball.

Sandra Oh - very floaty and pretty in a pale Collette Dinnigan gown (it was either pale pale pink or white), H . Stern and Stephen Webster jewels.  She was radiant - even before she won!  She was with her pregnant sister and she looked happy which was nice to see.

Evangeline Lilly - another winner of the gene pool contest, she was lovely in an unusual bright green Elie Saab gown and eye-catching huge emerald earrings.  Even tho it made her look a tad preggers around the middle, it was still an outstandingly beautiful color in a sea of black and pastel. 

Maria Bello - too much fake tan but understandable since she wore a white Elie Saab gown which quickly made me forget the tan issue; the gown had gorgeous pleating on the lower part of the dress, beading up top.  Bello looked quite bella indeed.

Renee Zellweger - rallied back to her true fashion form in a clasically sexy, Old Hollywood glamour black Carolina Herrera gown with a serious slit up the leg. Her jewels were by Van Cleef & Arpels.  Best of all, she was thin but not sickly-looking.  She looked cool and elegant.

Felicity Huffman - radiant in a white empire-waist Marchesa gown and jewels by Martin Katz.  Her dress also made her look a little preggers but it was the empire waist, not a bun in the oven.  And honestly, she and her husband, William H. Macy were the cutest couple on the carpet.  They're so totally in love, it makes me sigh every time I see them interviewed together.

Marcia Cross - looking like the cool cat she always is in a coral Marc Bouwer gown, I'm not sure if I like the jeweled buckles at the shoulders or that particular shade of coral on her but she's a human hanger and she wears clothes very well.  I also like that she keeps it simple and elegant when she goes formal so you notice the woman, not just the dress.   

Michele Williams - in her first big public appearance with Heath since the birth of baby Matilda, pretty in a purple strapless tiered, pleated Givenchy gown.  I just loved the color of the dress.  She really stood out from all the others.

Eva Longoria - turning heads in a fiery red Bob Mackie gown, her gorgeous star drop earrings were H. Stern jewels.  Her too long hair is so obviously fake - it was the only thing I didn't like about her look.  But she's a stunning little gal.

Nicolette Sheridan - going ultra-classy in a royal blue Giorgio Armani gown that fit perfectly and was, dare I say, Grace Kelly-ish on her.  Harry Winston jewels.  Arm candy: her ex-boyfriend Michael Bolton

Diane Kruger - I totally didn't recognize her but then she was ID'd in a picture I saw today.  She wore a burgundy wine velvet gown by Lanvin that was elegant but not overdone.  Really lovely.

Charlize Theron - back to blonde and making men stare in a sheer black cocktail dress by John Galliano for Dior Haute Couture.  I believe her jewelry was also by Dior. 

Catherine Deneuve - wore a Lanvin gown and reminded us of what aging gracefully looks like

Kyra Sedgwick - sweet and lovely in a strapless chocolate brown dress by Bottega Veneta

Jessica Alba - polished and sexy in Versace; wore her hair loose but not wild, she was stunning and looked like a movie star.

Jaime Pressly - cool, calm and collected in a glowy golden gown by Escada with sedate hair and makeup.  She's a pretty girl who turned herself into a gorgeous woman with this ensemble.   

Penelope Cruz - pale pink gown (no designer listed), loose hair.

Jane Seymour - literally pretty in pink, she was positively glowing 

Candice Bergen - classy and coolly blonde in her black Michael Kors ensemble

Pretty but didn't knock it outta the park:

Sarah Jessica Parker - the black Rochas strapless gown was lovely and so were the Fred Leighton jewels, but the dark hair in the Bride of Frankenstein hairdo completely ruined any charm she had going.

Reese Witherspoon - back to blonde and working a vintage silver and white Chanel Haute Couture cocktail dress with Chanel jewelry.  The dress was unusual and at first, I didn't like it but the more I looked at it, the prettier it looked.  I still have mixed feelings about it. 

Laura Linney - in a lovely red Valentino gown.  I don't know why I didn't love this dress on her but something about it threw me. Maybe it was because I never saw a good static shot of it on her on TV.

Kate Beckinsale - in a pale Dior by John Galliano gown, some people thought it was too feathery and looked like Kleenex around her neckline.  Others thought it was lovely.   I'm leaning toward lovely because I love the way it fit her and the way it moved when she moved. 

Teri Hatcher - in a sexy, bod-hugging bronzey/gold mermaid gown by Versace, only she should be called The Bony Mermaid.  Seeing her onscreen, you just wanna force-feed her a cookie!

Mandy Moore - pretty but plain in a strapless black Ralph Lauren gown. She's young, she should've worn a more vibrant color.

Ziyi Zhang - lovely in a lime green strapless gown by Giorgio Armani with Chopard jewels.  The color looked yellower on TV but I saw a still shot of it and it was really unique.

MaryLouise Parker - a little plain in her black Chaiken cocktail dress but pretty nonetheless

Natalie Portman - another split vote: she wore a black strapless Chanel Haute Couture dress and short short hair a la Peter Pan (or Audrey Hepburn).  Some people thought she looked like a little boy in his mommy's dress-up clothes, I thought she pulled the short cropped 'do off nicely and though I didn't love the dress, I still thought she looked quite nice.

Hilary Swank - in a Jean Yu black dress with a very very lowcut back, still looking mannish even with her hair down.  Must be that horsey smile.  And she said she's trying to work her marriage out. Darn, I started that betting pool too soon!

Anne Hathaway - in a sparkly blue cocktail dress by Marc Jacobs with red red lipstick.  The dress itself was very pretty but it made her look like she had weight around her middle which is an odd choice for an actress.  I thought the red lips were classic Hollywood, the other people I was with thought it was too strong and overpowered the rest of her look.  Discuss.

Mira Sorvino - pregnant with baby #2, in Armani Prive

Virginia Madsen - in an aqua gown by Kevan Hall, she looked like a mermaid on the half-shell in the dress - that's what it reminded me of!

Queen Latifah - livin' large in a blue Carmen Marc Valvo gown and elegant Chopard jewels.  She's a big gal but she looked elegant and classy.

Cynthia Nixon gets a split vote: from the neck up, she looked like a Texas housewife, from the neck down, her burgundy gown was pretty. 

We can only ask: what happened here? 

Scarlett Johansson - Just call her Tits McGee with that 70s hairdo and the fire red Valentino dress with her tits leading the way; she looked totally bridge & tunnel.  I thought the look was tacky and sexy in all the wrong ways. 

Mariah Carey - busting out of her Chanel Haute Couture dress and causing glare with her fake tan and face glitter

Heidi Klum - in a very bad dress by Costume National.  I never thought I'd say this but the dress did not flatter her one bit and made her look dumpy.  And I didn't think it was even possible for Heidi Klum to LOOK dumpy!   

Pamela Anderson - trying to be demure in a vintage Bill Blass dress that had a black top and a white bottom.  I think the demure ship has sailed for Pammykins. 

Ellen Pompeo - in a white Valentino gown that had a hippie-inspired top and wavy hair.  I thought she was a disaster from head to toe; none of it worked. 

Rosario Dawson - in vintage Versace, the pale coral color did nothing for her skin and the dress had no real shape so it didn't flatter her.  Also, her shorter haircut is cute but it looked flat and lifeless. 

Geena Davis - looked HUGE in her red satin Escada strapless gown with beaded top.  She's a big and tall gal and can usually carry off a strong frock but this was way too much.  She's also almost 50 now and maybe now's the time to adopt the "less is more" philosophy. The red looks great on her lips but the dress was much too much.

Gwyneth Paltrow - one of the worst-dressed women there with her Balenciaga Bo-Peep dress with bra straps showing.  I know she's pregnant again and it's not that I want to be mean to pregnant gals but we all know there's plenty of great fashion out there for women who are with child.  This dress was not one of them.  Back to London with you Gwynnie!

Rachel Weisz - also pregnant, she wore a custom Donna Karan maternity gown in dark gold that looked like bad origami and Cartier jewelry, with badly overdone makeup.  The combination of all these elements was not a winning combo.

Drew Barrymore - oh Drew, what was up with that kelly green dress with no bra and bad hair?  We love you unconditionally Drew but we hate to see you ignore the fashion basics like a  good foundation undergarment.  Someone, anyone, please buy Drew a bra and don't let her out the door to the next award show without one! Thank you.

Camryn Manheim - looked like a Norseman or a Viking with her breastplate-front dress.  I know she's a large woman but there's no call for a dress like this.  One of the best things about fashion is that you can divert the eye to your good features and away from your bad features.  I think Camryn missed that memo.      

Emmy Rossum - in a dark beige strapless gown by Dior by John Galliano.  The dress color was too close to her flesh tone and did nothing for her.  She's a pretty girl and she's turned out nicely on the red carpet before but her stylist let her down this time.

Emma Thompson - in a white satiny Roberto Cavalli gown that was nice but her tits were just about on the floor.  With all the wondrous mechanics of Hollywood handlers and stylists, is there NOTHING they could've done to hoist her chest up?  If a woman has had a child, do her a favor and hoist the girls up, up, up!  Gravity is not kind to women.

Vanessa Paradis - wore a funky silvery Chanel Cruise dress but the real shocker was when she opened her mouth to speak and showed the world her very yellow teeth with a huge gap in the middle of her two front teeth!  Mon dieu!  Quelle horreur!

And finally: Alanis Morrissette in the night's worst dress by some fabric butcher named Lisa Evans.  The top was skintone beige and the bottom was black.  But then there was her Farrah Fawcett blonde hair.  The whole effect was shudderworthy.  I had to look away."

She goes on to discuss the mens' fashions, but who cares about the men, really?  Sorry, fellas.  The tux-rut has no modern solution, as of yet.

Isn't Diane Brilliant, folks?  I'm SO looking forward to her OSCARS report.

Golden Globe-Athon

We'll be webcasting live from the Backstage Cafe in Beverly Hills Tuesday night, in honor of the Golden Globes. 

Give me a call at (310) 777-0252 and let me know what you thought of what the stars were wearing (which is truly the only reason I watch).  We'll be on starting at 9:00 pm (PST).

Or, if you prefer to chat online with us live, go to:

http://www.makeahollywoodmovie.com/400/default.asp

Scroll down to the bottom right hand corner of the page, and login as a guest.  Once the webcast video pops up, double click on Monte's name--and you'll be right there with us.

Hope to see or hear from you soon!

Hollywood Philosophy 101

Thanks to Defamer for inspiring this post, based on a "Don't you know WHO I am!?" incident involving actress Kelly Lynch being told by a hostess that she would actually having to wait her turn for a table at a Silverlake dining establishment.  What follows are Los Angeleans responses to the alleged incident:

Those goddamn Silver Lake people with their pretensious non-pretensiousness. It's like, "I'm so cool because I don't care you're famous." I'm going to rebel against your "real" ways, you evil hipsters! Come on over to the Westside where bling still reigns supreme! Where you have to be a guest list for your dog to see the vet! Where Starbucks will kick you out to give your seat to Giovanni Ribisi! I'm so over being over the pretense.

(present blogger company excluded, of course)

by Double Banger on 01/09/06 02:38 PM

For shame, Double Banger. If Julian and Veruca could hear you now they would no doubt revoke your membership to the Silverlake Super-8 Secret Screening Society and take your name off the "cool" list around Echo Park. No more tips on where to score high school athletic program t-shirts. No more "art openings" where a bunch of broke-asses get together under the pretense of checking out new art, but are really there to pound free booze and pose. Think about it, man...

You fuck around with the hipsters and you'll never ironically enjoy a can of PBR in this town again.

by Ernst Stavro Blofeld on 01/09/06 02:59 PM

Thanks for the vote, Starter Wife. I'm charging you to infiltrate the eastside inner circle, so you'd better go shopping. You'll need a skull purse, bangs, nautical star tattoos (fake ones will never fool them), fishnets, and plenty of manic panic hair dye. I also recommend you bone up on your Willie Nelson, Tom Waits and Men at Work, but only the "early stuff" before they sold out. NOTE: VINYL ONLY (you know, because vinyl is "warmer" and "more real"-never mind that the sound quality degrades after every spin). You never know when you might get cornered by a self-proclaimed "musicologist".

Start practicing your enlightened sneer at The Roost and work your way up. And so it begins...

NOTE: Sorry for rambling, but I just LOVE busting on that crowd.

by Ernst Stavro Blofeld on 01/09/06 04:18 PM

My head is about to explode from trying to figure out what's more pretentious... Actually being pretentious or going to incredible lengths to NOT be pretentious? I feel like I'm in some bizarre Hollywood philosophy class. And I'm about to fail the midterm.

by EireGirl on 01/09/06 04:28 PM

ME-ow!

Guilty Pleasures of 2005

One of the best questions I've been asked this year is, "What was your favorite guilty pleasure song of 2005?"  I immediately knew the answer, because I was embarrassed about it!

My guilty pleasure song of 2005, the one I just couldn't help groovin to in the car, is "Don't Cha" by the Pussycat Dolls.  The lyrics are all wrong...but the tune is so catchy.  I look forward to my spinning instructors playing it because the tempo keeps me going--and it makes me laugh because I sometimes like to think of it as the Gay Boy's Anthem.  Plus, how can you resist a bunch of hot burlesque girls?

When I posed that question to men, the most common answer has been Blackeyedpeas/Fergie's "My Humps".  Gag.  They should feel guilty for liking that song!  It's retarded, and not in the good way.  As a woman, I find the video is embarrassing to watch, and the lyrics are annoying, yet it has a hook that is hard to deny.

What were your favorite guilty pleasure songs of 2005?

Imagination Vs Reality: The Magic Castle Rocks

I love the Magic Castle.  A coveted Hollywood date night, the Magic Castle is so much fun.  It's like Disneyland for Grown-ups.  You can go there, and just let go of reality for a few hours.

Spent last night there, doing the live webcast for MAHM and then just playing after our "work" was done.  Had several yummy martinis (try the nuts and berries--thanks, Brian G!) and watched three shows.  The magicians there are flawless, and you can practically sit in their laps while they do their tricks.  It really is amazing.

Why am I obsessed with Celebrity Gossip? Salon.com chimes in...

From Cary Tennis' column, @ the ever fabulous and thought-provoking Salon.com:

A reader writes:

"Dear Cary,

Every day I find myself logging on to a variety of Web sites -- People.com, eonline.com, Salon's the Fix -- to gobble up all forms of celebrity gossip. I spend hours on imdb figuring out which celebrities were born closest to my birthday (Billy Crudup, Robert Rodriguez) or discovering that both Debra Messing and Cate Blanchett named their sons Roman. After awards shows, I go to site after site to relive the dresses, the hairstyles, the snippets of gossip from the red carpet and the after parties.

It struck me that this was a problem again last night, when I read that Laura Dern and Ben Harper got married, then proceeded to Google them to death to find photos of them doing mundane things like walking with their baby down the street. They seem like cool people, but could I possibly care about the minutiae of their lives? And what about the hours I handed over to that endeavor?"

(Editor: Sound familiar?) 

Cary responds: "... it's interesting and instructive to ask ourselves what we like about celebrities. It tells us more about ourselves than perhaps we would like to know. So if I were you, rather than fighting your interest in celebrity lives, I would try to build on it, take it to a deeper level, make an art of it. Especially since you are a writer: Your subject is right in front of you. What is the meaning of Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt? What are her special powers? What does she represent? I do not know, but you probably do."

The addiction to celebrity is epidemic, my friends.  What you thought was your secret guilty pleasure is taking over the world...

Let's Speculate! Kate Moss + Tom Cruise = ???

+ 

= ?

I heard some juicy gossip over the holidays.  Kate Moss and Tom Cruise were spotted dining together in the Hamptons.  What can this mean?  I'm speculating that with Miss Kate's recent drug use exposure, and Mr. Tom's crusade against all ingestibles, he may be counseling her future ("Auditing", I believe they call it).  Will Kate soon join the ranks of those "saved" by Scientology?  We shall see...it certainly won't hurt her career.